Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you suddenly have to attend a wake or funeral and you don't know what to wear or what to prepare? When attending such an event, it's important to be respectful and to bid farewell to the deceased with proper manners and without making any mistakes.

This time, the formal wear specialists on the 5th floor of Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building will explain the appropriate attire and etiquette for attending wakes and funerals/memorial services so that you won't panic in an emergency. We will answer questions such as: What is the difference between the attire for a wake and a funeral/memorial service? What should I wear if I attend after work?

I. When should I wear it? How to choose the right mourning attire.

There are three types of mourning attire: formal mourning attire, semi-formal mourning attire, and informal mourning attire. The appropriate attire varies depending on one's position and the situation.

"Formal mourning attire," also known as a morning coat, is the most formal and dignified type of attire. It is primarily worn by the chief mourner or, in the case of a company funeral or other special occasion, by those in a special position at the funeral. However, as it is formal daytime attire, it is not worn at the wake, which takes place at night (semi-formal mourning attire is worn at the wake).
"Semi-formal mourning attire" refers to clothing similar to "formal mourning attire," and is a general type of mourning attire that can be worn in various situations. If it is difficult to wear "semi-formal mourning attire" depending on the situation, "informal mourning attire," which is closer to everyday wear, may be worn instead. "Semi-formal mourning attire" is called a black suit, and "informal mourning attire" is called a dark suit.

From here, we'll take a closer look at morning coats and black suits, examining their differences and the proper etiquette and points to keep in mind when actually wearing them.

II. What to wear when attending a wake and funeral/memorial service?

Attire for a wake

Previously, dark suits were the norm for wakes to avoid giving the impression that one had anticipated the death. However, recently, there is often more time between the death and the wake, so it's becoming more common to see people attending in black suits. Of course, there are still many who wear dark suits, so it's best to dress according to the situation.

Attire for a funeral/memorial service

While the general attire for funeral attendees is a black suit, some people choose a dark suit depending on the situation, such as to match the attire of other attendees.

III. Characteristics of each type of formal wear and examples of what not to wear.

We will now explain the characteristics of each outfit.

[One point]
When choosing formal wear, it's important to avoid overly tight or oversized pieces and opt for something with a a well-balanced overall silhouette.

1. Morning coat

A morning coat is the most formal daytime attire for men and is considered the most formal type of clothing. It is worn by those in positions of authority, such as the chief mourner or the funeral committee chairman, at highly formal funerals, including company funerals and public funerals.

A morning coat is always worn with a vest (waistcoat). While a silver-gray vest is sometimes used for celebratory occasions and ceremonies, a black vest is worn for funerals.

The accessories should also be appropriate for a funeral; a white regular-collar shirt should be paired with a plain black tie. A pocket square should not be worn, and black oxford-style straight-tip shoes should be chosen. Furthermore, suspenders should be used instead of a belt.

The morning coat, a type of jacket, typically features a plain black, single-breasted design with one button and peaked lapels. It is characterized by a curved silhouette that extends from the front hem to the back.

For the trousers, I'll pair them with black and gray striped slacks called "striped trousers."

2. Black suit

This is a formal, plain black suit. Avoid glossy materials like silk, and choose something elegant. A deep black fabric with a rich dye treatment is recommended. The jacket can be either single-breasted or double-breasted.

For trousers made from the same fabric, a single-stitched hem is preferable. If wearing a vest underneath, it's generally best to choose one made from the same fabric; otherwise, opt for a plain black vest.

Originally designed for indoor use, the black suit features a no-vent design with no seams at the back.

 

[NG] While mourning attire is generally designed without flaps, if it has flaps, it is considered proper etiquette to tuck the flaps inside the pockets.

 

3. Dark Suit

A dark suit refers to a plain suit in a dark color close to black (such as dark navy or charcoal gray). For attending a funeral after work, wearing a dark suit and a plain white shirt during the day and changing into a mourning tie before attending the funeral constitutes "semi-formal mourning attire."

Choose a fabric in a matte charcoal gray or dark navy.

 

[NG] Fabrics with a design, even if plain, such as woven patterns or stripes.

 

IV. Key items to wear with a suit. What's the right answer?

We will explain the basic items that go well with each type of suit.

4. Shirt

For both black and dark suits, the shirt to wear with mourning attire is typically a regular-collar shirt in a matte white color. While formal shirts with concealed buttons are standard, any plain white shirt will also work for business wear.

For black suits, both single and double cuffs are acceptable, but for dark suits, choose single cuffs.

[NG]
Avoid wing collars (left image), casual-looking button-downs (right image), and shirts with casual designs, colors, or patterns.

[One point]
Make sure to iron your clothes to keep them clean and free of wrinkles and stains when you wear them.

5. Cufflinks

KINDWARE
Left: Cufflinks "Black Mother-of-Pearl" 12,100 yen ►View Product
Right: Cufflinks "Onyx" 12,100 yen ►View product
□ Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal

 

[NG] Business cufflinks that are not primarily black.

 

When wearing a black suit and choosing a double-cuffed shirt, cufflinks made of black-based stones are common, with onyx and mother-of-pearl being the most popular choices. For the metal setting, opt for a matte silver finish.

6. Necktie

Kindwear Left: Necktie 17,600 yen ►View product
Middle: Necktie 17,600 yen ►View product
Right: Necktie 14,300 yen ►View product
□ Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal

Plain black (satin) is the standard. Even if there is a woven pattern, it's acceptable as long as it's small.

[NG] Even with black ties, avoid those with large, conspicuous patterns. Always choose something simple. Also, it's considered good manners to avoid using tie clips and to keep any decorations to a minimum.

[One point]

The knotting method should be based on a simple plain knot (single knot), and avoid adding any overly elaborate variations.

The appropriate tie length is one that reaches about belt level. Be careful, as ties that are too short or too long can give a sloppy impression.

7. Shoes

KINDWARE
Straight tip shoes 77,000 yen ►View product
□Isetan Shinjuku Store Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal Wear

The basic style is a straight-tip, closed-laced shoe made of black calf leather, with a single straight line down the toe. You can also pair it with a plain-toe shoe, also in a closed-laced style.

[NG] Materials such as suede and patent leather are not suitable. Also, slip-ons, loafers, shoes with long, angular toes, boots, and designs with embellishments are inappropriate. Exotic leathers such as lizard or crocodile leather are also not acceptable.

[One point]
Beforehand, check your shoes for any dirt or damage, and clean them if necessary.

8. Socks

KINDWARE
socks, left: Long hose socks 3,300 yen ►View product
Right: Socks 2,750 yen ►View product
□Isetan Shinjuku Store Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal Wear

 

[NG] Avoid woven patterns, small patterns, flashy patterns, casual colors, ankle-length socks, and thick fabrics.

Choose lightweight, plain black socks made of 100% cotton or a cotton-nylon blend, regardless of the season. Even in winter, wearing lightweight shoes is considered proper attire.

9. Belt

Choose a black cowhide leather belt with a matte finish and a simple silver buckle. Even with a navy suit, it's best to choose a black belt to match your shoes.

[NG]
Avoid buckles that are highly glossy or have overly assertive designs.

10. Coat

A basic black wool or cashmere Chesterfield coat that reaches about knee-length is ideal. Dark navy or charcoal gray are also acceptable, but be sure to choose a dark color that is close to black.

 

【NG】 Avoid leather and nylon materials, as well as down coats and casual designs. Also avoid light colors such as beige.

 

 

V. What other items should I bring?

Besides clothing, there are various other items you should bring. Make sure to check them beforehand so you don't panic in a sudden situation.

 

11. Fukusa (ceremonial wrapping cloth)

KINDWARE
Left: Fukusa with a stand (wrapping type) 14,300 yen ►View product
Right: Fukusa for condolence envelopes (foldable type) 7,480 yen each ►View product
□ Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal

 

It is considered bad manners to take the gift directly out of the plastic bag or bag it came in. To show your condolences, you should properly wrap it in a fukusa (a type of cloth used for wrapping gifts). The standard color for a fukusa is dark purple. There are two types: a wrapping type and a folding type, and the wrapping method differs depending on whether it is a celebratory or mourning occasion, so be careful.

12. Prayer beads

KINDWARE
Left: Prayer beads (ebony) 5,500 yen ►View product
Right: Prayer beads (onyx) 24,200 yen ►View product
□ Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal

 

Bringing prayer beads (juzu) to a Buddhist funeral is considered a sign of respect. They come in various materials, including glass, sandalwood, and onyx. Choose a set that suits you.

 

13. Handkerchief

KINDWARE
handkerchief 3,850 yen ►View product
□Isetan Shinjuku Store Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal Wear

 

A simple, plain white handkerchief is considered the most common choice.

14. Bag

 

Ideally, you should pack light. It's best not to carry a bag at all, but if you absolutely need one, choose a compact one like a clutch or second bag that can hold just the essentials, such as your wallet and smartphone. A simple black cowhide leather bag without any embellishments is recommended.

 

VI. What should I do in these situations? Frequently Asked Questions

Here are some frequently asked questions about mourning attire.

 

Q: Are pocket squares and accessories allowed?
A: Try to avoid anything that could be perceived as decorative. This includes not only jewelry, but also tie clips and pocket squares. If you wear a watch, avoid anything flashy and choose a simple one with a black leather strap and a light dial.

Q: I will be attending a memorial service. What should I wear?
A: Up to the third anniversary of death, the memorial service is held relatively soon after the person's passing, so you should wear a black suit. From the seventh anniversary onwards, a dark suit is also acceptable.

Q: The invitation from the chief mourner specified "Informal attire." What should I wear?
A: "Informal attire" refers to a dark suit. This is sometimes specified for wakes, funerals, memorial services, and other Buddhist ceremonies. If you receive a notice specifying casual attire, or if you want to wear a black suit to a memorial service after the seventh anniversary of death, you should check the host's attire beforehand and be careful not to wear something more formal than theirs.

Q: What is the difference between mourning clothes and a suit?
A: Mourning attire is a special type of formal wear made for formal occasions, characterized by its materials and tailoring that meet formal standards. On the other hand, a suit is general business wear and does not necessarily meet formal standards. For funerals, you need to choose a formal black suit.

 

VII. If you have any concerns regarding weddings, funerals, or other ceremonial occasions, please consult KINDWARE .

 

KINDWARE is a long-established luxury tailor brand that has been in business since 1894. It is particularly renowned for its ceremonial and formal wear.

Inheriting superior technology, quality, and the spirit of craftsmanship, we combine Japan's meticulous manufacturing with traditional British techniques to create high-quality bespoke suits that maintain their shape for many years.

This brand is recommended for those seeking high-quality formal wear suitable for a dignified funeral.

 

Commentator for this article: Keiji Kashiwaya
In March 2011, he joined Kindwear Co., Ltd. (now WATAKI Co., Ltd.), a company that handles formal wear. In 2013, he obtained the "Formal Specialist Certification Level 1 (Gold License)" from the Japan Formal Wear Association. In March of the same year, he became a staff member in charge of the formal wear shop on the 5th floor of Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building , responding to the needs of each customer with his extensive knowledge of formal wear, and is highly regarded within the company as a reliable advisor.

 

Mitsukoshi Isetan Online Store
View KINDWARE 's product list

 

[Related Articles]

• [Explanation] What men should wear and bring to a wedding. A professional explains formal fashion etiquette.

 

VIII. "Gift-giving customs and manners of the Mitsukoshi Isetan Group"

Please also see our summary page, "Mitsukoshi Isetan Group's Gift-Giving Customs and Manners," which explains customs and manners for gifts given to celebrate various life events such as weddings, births, moving into a new home, and longevity celebrations, as well as for return gifts , thank-you gifts for gifts received, and gifts for funerals and wakes.

 

Production by STUDIO ALTA

Photograph: Shinpei Suzuki
Text: ISETAN MEN'S net

 

＊All prices include tax.
＊The information in this article is current as of the time of publication. Product information may be revised or changed without notice.

For inquiries, please contact Isetan Shinjuku Store, Men's Building 5th Floor, Formal Wear.
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